Dear Friends,
I hope you're well.
With all of the events I mentioned previously, we've been on the run while I'm ill with one virus after another. I'm sure that's not a coincidence!
In my last post, I mentioned our family member "Terry" who has had to make a decision about moving to a new community.
It was such a difficult decision for Terry as there was a belief, as I suppose there is for many of us, that Terry's home would be "it." No more moves, no strange places, no details to tend to. Just death at home and the relatives take care of the details.
The problem with that assumption is that one's future really is unknown. It's hard to imagine needing to change every idea about your life and independence when you've been healthy and active.
We go through life accumulating stuff. [George Carlin had a funny bit about "stuff" so I'm providing a link. His language can be a bit blue so if you're sensitive to that, don't click.]
We save up or impulsively buy and treasure all kinds of "stuff" and eventually may have to downsize. All of those things you looked at and enjoyed for years may not fit in your new place. Cherished items like crystal glasses or china are expensive to buy but sell for a pittance. The younger generation doesn't want things you loved so much. It is a harsh reality.
Terry is now going through some items and it's hard to weed things out and think about how little money those items will sell for, if they can be sold at all.
I asked Terry to think about it like this: if you buy an expensive sofa and enjoy having it around for 30 years, you've gotten your money's worth. A beautiful vase has paid for itself by decorating your place and maybe holding some flowers. Getting caught up in what you think it should sell for versus the reality will only depress you.
If you are able to age in place, you might still want to start going through papers and clothing, old photos and memorabilia. I spoke with a man whose parents died within weeks of each other and it was left to him to go through a house they lived in for almost 50 years. They kept every love letter and card, new and used gift wrap and all kinds of other items because you never know if you'll need them. That situation only compounded his grief and then created some anger that this was what his parents left for him to fix.
If you have some comments, you are welcome to share. If it looks like spam or advertising, I will delete so it's pleasant for everyone.
Take care,
Marcia
Monday, October 10, 2016
Will your next home be determined by someone else? Part I
Dear Friends,
I hope you're well.
We've been amazingly busy and somewhat overwhelmed lately. I'll tell you in vague terms (to protect privacy) why and then I'll write about living options.
My husband and I are not yet retiring, but we have considered where we'd like to be for the next few years if we're in good health. What we were not thinking about was the possibility of a sudden need for other care - where would we go so we could both be in the same facility? What would we do with our home and possessions? How would we be able to make a good decision while under duress? Would our son pick a spot for us? If not, who will help us? My sister? A niece or nephew? The State?
We got a call that made it clear a close elderly family member (let's call this person "Terry") needed to go to the hospital, and while there, we learned it was not safe for Terry to go home at this time. Because Terry's home is a solo home in a retirement community almost 2 hours from us, it was best for us to have a houseguest while we gathered information so Terry could make some decisions.
Terry told us about some things that had happened recently, and any of those items might have raised alarms for us and certainly would have sounded alarms for physicians. Raised in a time when people didn't complain, when people were fiercely independent and would not share information with kids or other family, it's very hard for that generation to share anything that is personal and scary with others including physicians. That makes it even harder to get the right diagnosis early.
We've gotten a good education as a result on possible options, and I've learned that several acquaintances are looking into the same thing. I hope this information helps you.
I have some links on my Housing page and some information about Continuing Care Retirement Communities, aka CCRC.
A CCRC is one where you can start in independent living, obtain assisted living care, move to rehab or memory care units, and some but not all facilities have hospice care. These facilities are expensive and many offer some information about how to afford them.
The places we saw usually offer studio or one bedroom with a small living room. Meals are included and activities are plentiful. One of the hard parts is accepting that one needs help, that we are suddenly really one of "that" population. The other hard part for many people is that the things you saved for, bought, enjoyed and dusted for years are suddenly too many items for your new home. Things just have to go, decisions have to be made.
When you're a healthy person, it's hard to imagine yourself as one who really needs help, but it is important to think about your own options.
As a result of this experience, we have determined where we will move as the need arises. This is too important to us to not leave this decision to others.
If you have some comments, you are welcome to share. If it looks like spam or advertising, I will delete so it's pleasant for everyone.
Take care,
Marcia
I hope you're well.
We've been amazingly busy and somewhat overwhelmed lately. I'll tell you in vague terms (to protect privacy) why and then I'll write about living options.
My husband and I are not yet retiring, but we have considered where we'd like to be for the next few years if we're in good health. What we were not thinking about was the possibility of a sudden need for other care - where would we go so we could both be in the same facility? What would we do with our home and possessions? How would we be able to make a good decision while under duress? Would our son pick a spot for us? If not, who will help us? My sister? A niece or nephew? The State?
We got a call that made it clear a close elderly family member (let's call this person "Terry") needed to go to the hospital, and while there, we learned it was not safe for Terry to go home at this time. Because Terry's home is a solo home in a retirement community almost 2 hours from us, it was best for us to have a houseguest while we gathered information so Terry could make some decisions.
Terry told us about some things that had happened recently, and any of those items might have raised alarms for us and certainly would have sounded alarms for physicians. Raised in a time when people didn't complain, when people were fiercely independent and would not share information with kids or other family, it's very hard for that generation to share anything that is personal and scary with others including physicians. That makes it even harder to get the right diagnosis early.
We've gotten a good education as a result on possible options, and I've learned that several acquaintances are looking into the same thing. I hope this information helps you.
I have some links on my Housing page and some information about Continuing Care Retirement Communities, aka CCRC.
A CCRC is one where you can start in independent living, obtain assisted living care, move to rehab or memory care units, and some but not all facilities have hospice care. These facilities are expensive and many offer some information about how to afford them.
The places we saw usually offer studio or one bedroom with a small living room. Meals are included and activities are plentiful. One of the hard parts is accepting that one needs help, that we are suddenly really one of "that" population. The other hard part for many people is that the things you saved for, bought, enjoyed and dusted for years are suddenly too many items for your new home. Things just have to go, decisions have to be made.
When you're a healthy person, it's hard to imagine yourself as one who really needs help, but it is important to think about your own options.
As a result of this experience, we have determined where we will move as the need arises. This is too important to us to not leave this decision to others.
If you have some comments, you are welcome to share. If it looks like spam or advertising, I will delete so it's pleasant for everyone.
Take care,
Marcia
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